This uses the brownbag audience participation format. While a handful of characters are predetermined and work printed scripts, primarily the narrators, the majority of parts are assigned on-the-fly as individuals and or the sanctuary. This was this year’s script.
Cast:
Aristobulus T. Camel – A dromedary executive with a thriving import-export business
Mattathias B. Camel – Heir-apparent of his father’s business. A teen-aged camel with attitude
Esther – human assistant to Mr. A. Camel
Gabriel
Joseph
Mary
Inn Keeper
Various
Sheep
Angels
Wise Persons
Shepherds
Barn Animals
Mattathias is lounging around playing Nintendo DS or texting or otherwise not doing his work
Aristobulus enters from rear of Sanctuary
Aristobulus – What day is it? Hey, ___________________, do you know what day it is is? It’s that day! What, what! Yo, ___________________, you know what today is!
Riffing, calling people by name, working his way up the aisle… on reaching the steps, he sees Mattathias not working. (as usual!)
What! Not working again! I do not know what I pay you for! I am going to change the name of this company from A. Camel and Son to A. Camel and Esther. At least she works. Speaking of which, where is that human?
Shouting
Esther!
Esther enters.
Esther – Yes, boss?
Aristobulus – Hey, Esther, you know what day it is?
Esther – Sure boss, it’s the anniversary of your great journey, the first time you had to hump a load of gold across the border.
Aristobulus – That’s right. And what came of it?
Esther – Well, it gave you the idea to start this import-export business, was the first time you met a real human king, oh, and then there’s that whole salvation for humankind thing…
Aristobulus – You forgot the best part!
Esther and Mattathias – You met Judith Dromedary, the most beautiful camel ever, and fell in love…
Mattathias – But I thought you said those guys that hired you weren’t actually kings?
Aristobulus – They weren’t, really. They were just wicked smart. But once the story got on social media it got completely exaggerated. Have you forgotten the story already?
Esther and Mattathias – Uh-oh!
Aristobulus – Esther, round up some of the staff. We’re going to remind this knucklehead son of mine where the wise guys come in…
Many years ago, when I wasn’t much more than a young git, there was this girl in Galilee, a follower of the Hebrew religion. Her name was Mary, and she was engaged to a carpenter named Joseph.
Esther – Okay staff, let’s get a Mary and a Joseph up here!
Aristobulus – So, the human woman ends up pregnant, but the human dude wasn’t involved. Which looks pretty dicey, except for that angel…
Mattathias – Angel Cabrera?
Aristobulus – The Archangel Gabriel. So this is where the story gets confusing, ’cause some people say ole’ Gabriel came to Joseph in a dream and said…
Gabriel – Joseph, I know you’re thinking about not marrying Mary now that she is having a baby and you’re not the father. But you should still marry her, because the baby is from the Holy Spirit, and will save people from their sins. Oh, and you should name him Jesus. Peace out!
Aristobulus – And Joseph woke up, and did what the angel said in his dream. But some people think the angel came to Mary, and said…
Gabriel – Rejoice, favored one! The Lord is with you!
Aristobulus – But Mary was, you know, a little freaked out, and a little confused, what with there being a shiny dude with wings and all. But the angel went on and basically said…
Gabriel – Mary, you are going to have a son, and you should name him Jesus. He will come from the Holy Spirit, and he will be called the Son of God. Oh, and your cousin Elizabeth, who’s kinda old. She having a baby too. You should stop by some time…
Mattathias – Wait, there were two babies?
Aristobulus – Yep, Elizabeth’s baby grew up to be John the Baptizer. He comes back into the story later. He was a bit crazy, and in the end, he really lost his head!
Esther – What about Mary, Joseph and Gabriel?
Aristobulus – Off stage. Now for the good part. See, there were these wise people…
Mattathias – Out east. Like in Orient…
Aristobulus – Exactly! So they start seeing this star, like out of nowhere, so they look at their books of astronomilogical stuff and figure out that it means a new king is going to be born. And they want to get in good with this new king, so they meet in their offices on K Street and organize a junket and start a Super PAC. And they need to hire some first class camels, so they head down to the local Haulers and Spitters Union, where they hire yours truly, Booyah! and…
Mattathias – And mom…
Aristobulus – Right. The most beautiful she-camel I had ever seen. So they load us up, but its a light load because its all expensive stuff, like gold, frankincense and myrrh. So, you know, I make sure I’m walking next to your mother, and I’m looking mighty fine, so I say “Hey, baby!†And she’s all like, “Wow, you’re hot!†And I’m all like…
Mattathias – Dad! That’s so gross!
Aristobulus – What? I’m just saying, I was a stud! Anyway, so we’re on the way, and the highways are packed, because everyone has to go back to their hometown to be counted. And so Mary and Joseph have to go to his hometown, Bethlehem. And she’s way pregnant, and they can’t find a room, even in the seedier places. Even the Holiday Inn was booked! So they are desperate when they get to the last place. Esther!
Esther – Yes, boss?
Aristobulus – Let’s get us and Innkeeper, and Mary and Joseph…
Esther – Got it. Okay, we need an Innkeeper and the happy couple…
Joseph – Can’t you find something? You see, my wife is about to have a baby, and we’re going to end up on the streets…
Innkeeper – Well, there is the barn. At least its warm and dry.
Mary – Bless you!
Aristobulus – So the time comes and Mary has the baby. Let’s give it up for the baby! Yo, baby! Yo, baby!
Meanwhile, up in the hills outside of Bethlehem there are all of these sheep…
Esther – Okay, we need some sheep up here.
Sheep come up below steps. Esther encourages them to “Baaa 
Mattathias – And shepherds.
Aristobulus – Right, and shepherds.
Esther – Okay, let’s get some shepherds up here.
Shepherds come up and mill about on outer edges of sheep. Esther improvises, encouraging shepherds to keep control of the sheep…
Aristobulus – So the shepherds were on the hillside, keeping their sheep, which means not letting them get eaten, when suddenly…
Mattathias – More angels.
Aristobulus – What what? More angels! Give it up for some angels! Angeliscious! Angelactic! Ang…
Mattathias – Dad! The story!
Aristobulus – Right. So where was I? Esther, can we get some angels up here? We can Accounting, they could use a little holiness!
Esther – Let’s get some angels up here above the hillside…
Esther directs angels to the Chancel
So first there is only one angel and the shepherds are totally freaking. But the angel just says its piece.  The angel says “Don’t be afraid! Look! I bring good news to you—wonderful, joyous news for all people. Your savior is born today in David’s city. He is Christ the Lord. This is a sign for you: you will find a newborn baby wrapped snugly and lying in a manger.â€
Mattathias – Which is the thing we eat hay out of…
Aristobulus – You got it, camel boy…
Then there are like a bazillion angels all blinging up there is the sky, singing “Glory to God in heaven, and on earth peace among those whom God favors.†Then, poof, gone!
Esther – Okay folks, sheep, you can get back to work… you too, angels. Mary, Joseph, Shepherds, you stay. Hey boss? Barn animals? Cows and donkeys and everyone else who has four legs and isn’t a sheep…
Aristobulus – Oh yeah, let’s hear it for some Donkey Kong!
Esther – Barn animals up front. And somebody grab that infant!
Mattathias – So you weren’t even there yet. How do you know this part?
Aristobulus – Don’t be a hater man! I got it right from the donkey who was there when the shepherds told Joseph and Mary, as soon as they got there. Then they went all around town, telling everybody what they saw.
Mattathias – So today isn’t even about you at all? So why do you make such a big deal about it?
Aristobulus – Hold on to your saddlebags, I’m getting there. Esther, let’s send the shepherds back to work.
Esther – You heard the boss… we got shipments to move!
Aristobulus – Ah, I love the Import-Export business! Okay, so we’re on the road, and by now your moms is totally into me…
Mattathias – Gross!
Aristobulus – And the star goes all wibbly-wobbly, at least that’s how one of the wise guys described it. The one who called himself The Doctor…
Mattathias – Doctor Who?
Aristobulus – Can’t say. Never told us his last name. Anyways, so we keep heading to Bethlehem, though we check in with the old king, some guy called Herod. He was a complete wing-nut, a total conspiracy theorist. He kept saying he wanted to see the new king’s birth certificate. Needless to say, we avoided him after that!
Mattathias – Wasn’t this new king supposed to come from Jerusalem?
Aristobulus – That’s what the prophets said. So this old king, Herod, was all like “Yo, he can’t be king, ’cause I’m king.†And he was all up in the wise guy’s faces and all, and he did not care how many children got hurt as long as he got his way.
Mattathias – Dude was a mess…
Aristobulus – Now you’re getting it! So after all that nonsense with Herod, we don’t get there until the baby is twelve days old, so the shepherds have all split…
Mattathias – And you and mom and the wise guys…
Aristobulus – And your Uncle Fred… Esther, can we get some kings up here?
Esther – Sales and Marketing, get some crowns on and get up here…
Kings come forward
Mattathias – So you guys all go see the king, who is still living in a stable…
Aristobulus – Right. And the wise guys have the gifts we’ve been carrying, and when they see the baby, they fall down on their knees…
Esther – Kings who can still bend and get back up, you could do the whole kneeling thing…
Aristobulus – And they gave the new king presents. And his name is Joshua or Jesus, depending on which language you speak…
Mattathias – And you proposed to mom…
Aristobulus – Right there in the middle of that barn, in front of God, and Jesus, and everyone.
Mattathias – You know, maybe this story isn’t so bad after all.
Aristobulus – It’s the greatest story ever told! And at the very end, when your mom says yes, everyone claps. And the baby king puts his hand on my snout, and I go all tingly…
Esther – Okay kings, breaks over!
Kings return to seats
Mattathias – Hey dad, can we go to lunch today?
Aristobulus – Sure. Let’s go to that little Moroccan place. Did I ever tell you about that time I tried to get through the Eye of the Needle?
Esther – The End!